Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons hit the nail on the head when they sang, “Silence is Golden.” In fact, silence is equivalent to gold dust in this house and has now taken on an almost mythical quality akin to mystic fairies and magical unicorns. Similarly the notion of “peace and quiet,” it is something that remains firmly in the past, only to be remembered fondly like solitary trips to the toilet and slobby Sundays when you could see to your hangover in peace without having to take anyone for a poo.
In short, the NOISE in our house is NEVER ENDING and there are largely, just two pint sized people to blame.
The racket, which during dark times can roll on a 24 hour loop depending on illness / night terrors / midnight meltdowns, usually starts around the 5AM mark with someone hollering from their bedroom for milk. It then continues NON-STOP throughout the day until the time comes when you can bribe the little buggers to bed. By which point, exhausted by the endless deafening din, I often roll into bed myself.
Like any mum on the edge, I do attempt to escape the kids’ continual clatter. Hide in the toilet? First place they look. Turn the radio up? They sing along. Hide under the duvet? They jump on top. Resistance is futile.
However, my kids’ are kind enough to mix it up, showcasing an ear-splitting minimum of SIX different types of noise on a daily basis…
- THE MUMMY WHINE – After longing for my little boy to call me mummy for months (refusing to call me anything but daddy, much to his glee), he has now perfected the “MUUUMMMMY” whine down to a fine art. The volume is ear splitting, the tone is annoying, and the timing is always spot on, AKA when I’m right in the middle of something super important. It can come at any time of the day, but is largely reserved for tea time when mummy is most likely to be tearing her hair out
- THE INANE CHATTER – Anyone who knows me, knows I love a chat. So it seems does my daughter. But rather than participate in normal conversation…how was playgroup? What did you get up to? She likes to bore tell you about the daily goings on of her imaginary children Eddie & Lucca. Whether it is the birthday party she’s planning for them or the pretend plane we’re all boarding to Australia, those mischievous twins and their baby Eddie are always up to something (keep up). So far, so cute. But imagine having these SAME conversations EVERY DAY, ten times a day, whilst you’re trying to unload the dishwasher and unhook your son from your legs. Torture in its purest form.
- MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS – A lovely idea when your little darling is just getting the hang of shaking a maraca. Not so much fun when the gruesome twosome are tooting on a recorder and clashing symbols at a volume loud enough to wake the dead. My friend laughed when she handed over the Peppa Pig musical set on Coco’s birthday, now I know why…
- ANIMAL NOISES – I’m not talking Old MacDonald sing-a-long cuteness here (I’m not that miserable…yet) but LOUD animal noises, usually in the form of some almighty friggin’ ROAAAAARRR! However the lion / dinosaur / monster isn’t reserved just for home, oh no. The toddler simply loves pulling this bad boy out in shops, supermarkets and recently at a crawling baby during Coco’s acting class. Wonderful!
- THE ARGUING – Shouting, screaming, squabbling and a few “I had it first!” moments for good measure. Need I say more… *Looks directly at parents of two or more children*
- THE CLASSIC MELTDOWN – That bloodcurdling scream, often accompanied by some theatrical foot stomping. Whether it’s because you forgot the cut the crusts off their sandwich (you bastard), they’ve stubbed their toe, or simply because you’ve wiped their bum wrong, this noise is as unpredictable as it is loud and can wipe the smug “I’ve got this shit down” smile off your face in a second
BUT there is a seventh sound, which regularly reverberates around the walls of our loving home (other than my shouting), and that’s LAUGHTER. Despite the seemingly endless wailing waking us and holding us hostage morning, noon and night, the kids laughter is the tonic to it all and can sooth even the most pounding of migraines.
When I complain to my own mum of the tiredness and never ending noise, she wisely reminds me that someday I will miss it, and I’m sure she’s right. But for now, whilst the kids are out causing havoc with their dad, I’m going to stick the kettle on and make the most of it. After all, silence really is golden.